Scribble

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:08:00 +0000

Ahh.

It's sunny outside, and just like a stereotypical Sunday afternoon, I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying the subtle breeze and bearing the mentally exhausting work load.

I'm listening to some really good songs too, chilled and happy, and the current one in particular reminds me of when I was 16 and how life was so comfortable then. Though it was a comfort bubble in which nothing was real, and which I'm glad I'm no longer in.

It does remind me as to what made me happy then though, and just furthers my desire to find it.

Does it get frustrating to read my blog and have no or little idea as to what I'm going on about?
Haha...I guess that's why no one does read it.

I'm really worried about these exams. Because of the fact that I have no motivation, or am not stressed. This time last year was teardrops, but this year - none of that. Why?!
At the moment I just don't care anymore, I just don't want to work any longer.

I can't wait till they're over though, time to spend with friends and having fun, looking for a new job for the summer, and other things too...

Bring on the sunglasses. Hyde Park. Havaianas, Frapuccino's...

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:51:00 +0000

Commenting on another blog reminded me that I haven't written here for a while.

That's probably because there hasn't really been much to say, or much point.

Once again I'm going through the hellish, pre-exam, revision nightmare phase that I stupidly signed myself up to 6 years for.
God when people warned me that my chosen path wasn't going to be easy, they weren't kidding. Infact, they were under-stating it!

It does really make me want to make the most of London and free time when they're over.
That along with the fact that I generally feel much more settled and at home now.

I put up a profile on a well known specific-dating "detection" website recently.
Well, I say dating...everyone else there seems a lot more promiscuous.
It's probably not going to result in anything interesting or worthwhile, but not being out is so hard sometimes...this just seems like the next best thing for now.

Oh well. Hopefully this summer I will be much more settled and free, both mentally and physically, to explore...

For now, I had better get to work on trying to pass these exams!

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:22:00 +0000

Weak rays of spring sun shine down over London from the clear blues above.
Spring is here...ish.

There're plenty of great tunes beating through my speaker box.

Positivity floats over from new horizons in the afternoon air.

I have many things to look forward to:

In just two days I'll be performing at one of the West-end's most prestigious theatres, to an audience of more than 1,500 people.
I'm surprisingly unnerved about it.

I also can't wait for it to be over, for normality to resume, lectures, seeing friends, early dinners, no more late rehearsals.

2 up-and-coming birthdays, meaning fun with friends.

An exciting open-day at another institution offering an enticing diversion, with new challenges, people, ideas, experiences and places.
Passion reignited.

Home in a few weeks for Mum's birthday, a reunion with family.

Has anyone been watching Medicine Men Go Wild on Channel 4?

I love it. Both of the presenters. Inspirational. And the concept. Interesting, really, really interesting.

There're loads of great songs out and about at the moment, some of which include:

Alphabeat - Fascination - Such a happy, summer song - my fave of the moment - and Azuric's official "Song for Summer 2008"

Snoop Dog - Sensual Seduction - Snoop Dog. Singing. Whodathunk it?

The Wombats - Moving to NY - Absolute Choonage.

Delinquent - My Destiny - The new T2 Heartbroken - the drop is so bassline!

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 15:32:00 +0000

Hmmm.

...

How to start after such a long time without posting?

And what to write about?

Apart from the usual I've been so busy at uni blah blah blah...

Well there is a horrible amount of work to do, which is only going to get worse no doubt, till the end of exams in June.
And also rehearsals towards a performance to over 1,500 people at one of London's finest theaters. Gulp.

But I do have a weekend away with friends to look forward to before it.

Other than that there's not been much else to report. I'm no longer working, but hope to resume my position in the summer, or even find a better job.

And speaking of summer, this being one of the last two or three I'll have before the enslavery of my future career grips hold of my life, I really want to make the most of it and possibly go travelling for three or four weeks.
Bank account allowing that is.

Even then, summer living in central London will be amazing enough.

I want to learn to play the guitar over it if I can. Or actually pursue one of my passions and interests.

I'm going to have to make some important decisions about the rest of my course at the end of this year, and have been thinking about possible career changes too.

Apologies, this is all quite sporadic, but so are my thoughts at the moment.

Bye for now.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:51:00 +0000

Such a good advert. I love the guys silver trainers too.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:28:00 +0000

December. Already.

It's funny how at uni you lose all contact with the outside world and that regularity with the calendar you had at school.

It still barely feels like Christmas at the moment, but that's probably because I've not been out anywhere so haven't been exposed to the rampant consumerism, and Christmasness of it all.

Yesterday in Starbucks was the first time that it felt festive. Hands up who else has noticed how they've just latched on to Coca-cola's marketing strategy what with the red cups and mugs and bags with pictures of people giving each other coffee. Remind you of this at all?
I only knew about the bags because I bought a Starbucks travel mug. I know, I'm a brand whore. But it's so cool.

I'm pissed off because I'll have to miss my School Leavers Carol service for another year. I've got to stay in London till Christmas Eve Eve (23rd), because I'm working the weekend before Christmas. Plus it won't feel Christmasy here, I want to go home and decorate the tree, play a few Christmas tunes, and sit watching T.V. or reading Dickens in front of the fire.

I know it's old but I'm really loving Adele - Home Town Glory at the moment, and it's quite wintery. Reminds me of cobbled London Streets, bare trees, and icy winds.

Speaking of terrible weather - was anyone else woken by that terrible storm this morning, around 7am. I woke up to hear this howling bitter wind, and thought it was going to pull my open window off it's hinges. And even after I got up to close it, the wind still came through the grate on the wall above my bed. A freezing but exciting experience none the less.

Right, enough random babbling from me, I better get ready and go to hospital to do a bit of Med Student stuff.

Take care for now.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:42:00 +0000

No posts in 2 months. My bad.

I've been busy, and having a lot of fun too. Lots to report and I don't quite know where to start...

Uni has been much, much more demanding this year, with 9 till 5's almost every day and a ridiculous number of things to be learnt but I'm starting a month long clinical attachment soon which should be awesome, aside from the hour-ish commute to the hospital and back everyday.

The flat I'm living in is amazing. Everyone who's seen it has said it's more like a young professionals bachelor pad than a students flat. We have a 46" LCD flatscreen, surround sound, an Xbox 360, and a PS2, as well as an all important dish-washer. My room is bigger than my room at home. And to top it off, my flat mates are really great.

I'm still single, but not minding so much now. A couple of weeks ago ScrubsGirl (my friend who I had feelings for) asked me over to her flat, which is also in the same complex, to tell me something.
It turned out that she and our other really good mate from halls, IndieKid, were going out. I was so unbelievably gutted and I dont think I hid it well. She asked me if it was weird and I kind of said that it was. More because the 3 of us were like a unit and now it'd be all weird.

That was quite a shit weekend, because on Friday I had an interview for a job that I really really wanted and it was surprisingly hard, and then straight after this bomb was dropped on me.

On Sunday night I spoke to SG again, and having decided that I'd have to tell her a how I felt about them two, apologised for not being so enthusiastic and excited for them but explained it was because I didn't want anything to change between us all.

She laughed and assured me that nothing was going to change, and so far it hasn't, well not in front of me anyway. And I guess I should be happy for them. Plus she clearly didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her and I'm glad we're still great friends. I'd rather that than things becoming awkward.

On the plus side...

I got the job. It's as a sales associate at one of the funkiest, coolest, most amazing stores in London. WOO HOO!!

So all in all, that's what I've been up to these past weeks. Nuff said.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 19:03:00 +0000

Just posting as I'm bored, and it's been quite a while since I have.

Nothing much to actually say other than...

I now have all of Skins and Heroes Series and Season one, respectively. Couch, here I come.

The book I'm reading right now (can you guess what it is?), is finally getting somewhere good, and I'm back to struggling to put it down.

I've come across an attractive something recently, though I'm not sure how sincere it is, or of it's motives.

I had a nice, long conversation with my friend A last night, about starting uni, alcohol (a natural progression), relationships (how his last one was), and other things.

He gave me some advice and his opinion on something, for which I'm grateful, as it's kind of like a push in a direction that may or may not be right, but one in which I myself was thinking of heading for that exact reason - to find out.

He also reminded me that I should go with the flow with certain things, and that there's no set pattern or path for finding what I want.

I sold my car. I'm looking to buy a new (used) one. I really want a SEAT Ibiza, because it's a bit rude looking and sexy. And it's a Volkswagen inside.
And before you ask why I'm buying a car while I'm living in Central London, my mum and I are going to share it.
Thus it will be hers while I'm not at home, and mine when I am.

Finally, there're only 3 weeks to go till uni...all of which have packed weekends. I can't wait!

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:16:00 +0000

Just one day home alone with nothing to do and I feel so depressed now.

Exactly how I felt at the beginning of this holiday. Bored and lonely.

I wish I had an older brother, someone else at home to do things with.
Or even a car...and insurance.

It's so trapping being here at home, I hate it.

Well only 3 more weeks to go I guess, the weekends of which are all booked up.
I guess its just up to me to be more pro-active and fill my time.

I do want to finish the 2 other projects in the garden before I go.

And hopefully October will bring excitement, new experiences, and new people my way.
Ooh a whole year of freshers ha ha!

No but seriously...it can't be this hard to meet someone.

I feel really down all of a sudden, really cold and tired and worn out. Emotionally as well as physically. Too much hoping, wishing, and thinking.

I feel the reason is also lack of social interaction.
I'm a real people person, I love meeting new people, talking to people, and hanging out with my friends. None of which is happening at the moment.

For now though I think I'm going to go to bed. Or read. Or veg out on the couch.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 17:56:00 +0000

I really need to sort out my finances.

I spend money willy-nilly on clothes without thinking about saving anything.
And last year I didn't manage to save anything, only neutralizing my over-draft and that's it.

I think I'm going to set up an overdraft, and withdraw the full amount and place it in an ISA and then just leave it to grow. Natwest seem to be the best non-virtual bank offering the best interest rate that that pays monthly.

Also I'm going to try and not use any of the money earned from the job I hope to get once back in the Big L.
If I managed last year to survive without that extra income, then I should be fine this year too.

Furthermore, my rent is approximately £20 cheaper a week this year.

What I'm going to have to do is some careful money-management, which should be easier now that I've set up online banking.

These plans came about after a conversation with my cousin bro, about our family friend who, at the age of 25, already has a flat of his own which he's renting out to people, thus paying the mortgage. He was lucky as he could live at home whilst studying and thus saved on accommodation fees and living expenses.

Now I know it was my choice to come to London, but I think I'd rather have the debt than stay here all my life. Eugh.

So yes, hopefully this time next year I will have a healthy looking ISA, no over-draft, and in it's place, a handsome sum of money earning interest.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:50:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:04:00 +0000

+

=

Ahh. I'm all decked out!

It was so much harder (and expensive) than I thought it'd be but it's all finished now.
I'm so proud of my little garden design project.

I wish I'd taken a "before" photo but you'll just have to take my word for it that the "? ? ?" area was hideous. And the wall behind the decking was obscured by awful overgrown bushes that blocked out the view of the garden behind them as well as sun-light.

Next I will have to tackle the left side - the rockery is overgrown and ugly. Needs a makeover.

But before that, some nice big pots, a table, chairs, and patio-heater for the decking. And maybe some tea-light candle lanterns, and out-door lights to drape over the left fence.

I can see it now...

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:51:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 22:44:00 +0000

Yesterday was Raksha Bandhan, the Hindu festival celebrating love between brothers and sisters. On Raksha Bandhan (which literally translates to binding protection), sisters tie decorated sacred threads, called Rakhis, around their brothers wrists.

With this act, sisters pray for their brothers to be protected from all evil, and in return brothers promise to protect their sisters from all harm and troubles. He also gives her a return gift which is a physical acceptance of her love, a reminder of their togetherness and a symbol of his pledge. A tenner normally does the trick.

It's not just between siblings however, I recieve Rakhis from my cousins also, and even good friends tie them to each other.

Like all Hindu festivals, Raksha Bandhan follows the moon calendar, and falls on the full moon of the month of Shravaan - the holiest month in the Hindu calendar.

There are many legends surrounding Raksha Bandhan and events in history in which the festival features:

The oldest reference to the festival of rakhi goes back to 300 B.C. at the time when Alexander invaded India.
It is said that the great conqueror, King Alexander of Macedonia was shaken by the fury of the Indian king Puru in his first attempt.
Upset by this, Alexander's wife, who had heard of the Rakhi festival, approached King Puru. King Puru accepted her as his sister and when the opportunity came during the war, he refrained from Alexander.

My favourite however, is the story of Krishna and Draupadi (the wife of the Pandavs) in the Mahabharat.

When Krishna injured his wrist whilst fighting in the war, Draupadi tore a strip of silk off her sari and tied it to stop the blood flow.
Krishna was so touched by her action that he found himself bound to her by love.

Later, Draupadi was kidnapped by the evil Duryodhan and was forced to be made a slave in his court. He commanded Dushashan to remove clothes of Pandavas and Draupadi as they were now his servants.
The Pandavas surrendered without any resistance. Now Dushashan turned to Draupadi. It was a moment of shame for mighty Pandavas yet they were helpless and remained silent spectators.
Draupadi was in a state of complete helplessness. Her five husbands were unable to save her. Elders in the assembly turned deaf ears to her intense call for help. Dushashan began pulling her sari off infront of the whole court so she prayed with all her faith to Lord Krishna.

Krishna heard Draupadi's prayers and remembering how she had tied Rakhi on him, came to her rescue. With his extraordinary powers, Krishna gave Draupadi one sari for every thread of silk in the Rakhi she had given him, and as one was pulled off, another would magically appear.
In the end, Dushashan fell to the ground exhausted and Draupadi was saved.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 23:00:00 +0000

What a horrible day today was. I hate my life sometimes.

3 arguments with 3 different people.
I don't have the desire or energy to go into details right now.

Just that they were with my dad, my sister, and my ex/friend (well at least I think they still are).

I made up with my sister.
And said good night to my dad, to which he replied, so I'm guessing things are back to the same old normal there.

And with the ex...who knows. I'm still upset and angry...but at the same time I still care.
And have to hold myself back from calling or texting.

It's so hard and messed up. Because I still like them as a person...and want to be friends.
And who knows where things may go.

But there's a lot of friction right now.
They won't talk to me, let me in on how they feel. And then-

Then they're bitter and cold. So maybe it's best not to be in a relationship like that.

Except I know that's not what they're like. I know they're so nice and kind. And interesting and fun.
But the truth is, I can't deal with these arguments right now.

I need a solution, not another problem.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 19:01:00 +0000

7.ThirtyOne.

Relationships and complications.
Mismatch and miscommunications.
I want it and yeah...
I hate it and yeah...

Moving too fast and then moving too slow.
I dont know where you want to go.
Don't know where I want to go.

Singing our song to all your friends.
I sing our song to myself.
There're reasons, hey.
Maybe it'll all turn out swell.

Strangest feeling I know so well.

Relationships and complications.
Mismatch and miscommunications.
I want it and yeah...
I hate it and yeah...

You didn't let me in.
When the moon was waning out.
Didn't explain to me. Not even roundabout.

All I wanted was to take two steps back.
Maybe three or four.
Now I'm contemplating running to the door.
Pushing me, and pulling me.

Strangest feeling I've never known before.

Relationships and complications.
Mismatch and miscommunications.
I want it and yeah...
I hate it and yeah...

I want to be somebodies boy. Some mans secret someone.
I want to be that girls man. But what ain't done ain't done.
You've taught me though. I've learnt and I grow.
No closer away from where it began. But closer than I was on 7. 31.

This is my messed up self. Don't know where I want to go.
It would be good to have a girl sing me Kate's Shit though.
Or a guy to sing it to. Someone's secret, a secret someone.

Relationships and complications.
Mismatch and miscommunications.
I want it and yeah...
I want it and yeah...

I want it and yeah...
Yeah. I want it. Yeah...

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 09:33:00 +0000

MIXEDSIGNALS

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:39:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 10:15:00 +0000

September is almost here! I love this time of year.

As daylight dwindles and the nights draw long,
the temperature drops,
fruit falls from the trees,
and the ground is set ablaze,
yellow, orange, crimson...

And not only is it a time to appreciate the beauty of the British countryside, but, especially for Hindus, it's festival time.

Raksha Bandhan, Janmashtami, Navaratri, Diwali, Halloween...and finally Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 21:24:00 +0000

Mum and Dad got back from their holiday earlier...I'm really pleased they went. It's the first time they've had the chance to go away together since their Honeymoon!

It was a challenge too for my sister and I to run the family business without them, but the two of us, along with some help from our cousin bro and sis managed it well I think.
It was actually quite easy to do, and I feel I can do it again in future, hopefully for longer next time.

My cousins came up on Friday and left this afternoon.
As usual in their company, we all had a really good time, laughing, joking, spending...

See the post below for all the treats I purchased (with money I don't actually have! :-S )

My sister saw this jacket she really liked in Cult but she seemed doubtful when she asked my opinion so I advised her to make sure she really liked it and ensure it wasn't just an impulse buy.
She decided to reserve it and come back later.

After a few more hours of shopping the stores began to close, and she had to rush back to Cult, and plead with the sales assistant to let her in to buy it.
That situation showed her that she really did want the jacket.

Sunday was good, because all four of us bought stuff that we really, really liked.

I felt a bit down after the two of them left, even though I was excited that the 'rents were coming home, I had that "Sunday evening" feeling of everything going back to normal, a new week ahead, and the end of a really good weekend that I'd been looking forward to.

It didn't help that I kind of had an argument with my...friend.

They told me that they'd been asked out on a date, two in fact.

And I didn't take it so well, because, to be honest, we were once more than friends, and I'm not sure how I feel now.
My reaction proved to me what I thought, that I do still have feelings for them.
It's like the jacket thing again.

And the frustrating thing is maybe things could have worked out, but there was so much miscommunication when we 'talked' and I don't know if we understood each other.
It's my own fault anyway.

The truth is I was a little scared...because suddenly something that I'd been longing for, and then an virtual relationship suddenly became a real person.

I've never been in a situation like that.

It was exciting, but it was also a little fast...to be that close mentally, having only met once.

Like I said, it's my own fault.
I can't expect them to deal with that, or wait for me.
And as I told them, I am happy for them. I really am. They deserve to be happy. Because they're an amazing person.

It's just that I'm tired of being the person who's happy for everyone else.
I want to be happy myself. As selfish as it may sound.

I've waited so long, how long more do I have to wait?

Ah well, everything happens for a reason, and people come into your life for a reason.
Sometimes it's obvious why.
Sometimes it's not.
Sometimes it's to give you a message. To restore your faith.
And sometimes you just don't know why.

But hopefully they'll stay around long enough for you to find out.

:-)

Night lovelies. Xx

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 19:23:00 +0000

I went shopping yesterday...again. Someone really has to stop me. It's a costly addiction.

I bought this T-shirt from Topman - £4.50

And this jacket from Jack Jones - £45

And this cardigan from Zara - £35 (I know!)

I also bought some boxer-trunks from H&M but I'm not modeling them here! Ha ha.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:46:00 +0000

Guess who's back in town...

I got M.I.A.'s new album Kala today. It's so damn good. I've been waiting so long for it too.

I seem to be the only person I know who loves her so much, and most of my friends can't stand her (despite some of them happily dancing along to her songs).

But seriously, her music is so energetic, funky, vibrant, and cool. How can anyone not like it?

Meh, her being underground makes her all the more special...

Listen to this, and remember to crank up the volume and bass but then don't blame me when you can't stop asking, "how many, how many boys 'there?"

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 19:57:00 +0000

Listening to:

Armand Van Helden - I Want Your Soul - really loud.

Feeling:

Defiant, confident, positive.

Thinking:

I'm tired of thinking oh wow, I wish I was like that, had that, was as cool as him...blah, blah, blah.

I'm going to take charge of my life. Do what I want to do. Be who I want to be. Rather than admiring and envying others, I'm going to be that person.

The greatest change for me by the end of the year?

Get Job.
Continue uni comfortably.
Find love.
Find myself.
Love myself.

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:38:00 +0000

I feel depressed today. I know the reason why. It's the same reason I feel lonely. It's not the same reason I feel cold. That's because of the rather crap weather. Though all three could be solved by the same thing.

I guess, like I always tell myself, everything happens for a reason. Though I still don't think that someone has got the correct message, and has misunderstood what I meant, instead choosing to believe what they want to believe.

Then again, I respect their decision, as the options I presented to them weren't fair on them, I understand that. Though I never asked them to change, or be different. I'd never do that. And I think that they think that I did.

Anyway, I'm lucky enough to still have them as a friend, an amazingly cool friend...and a great careers advisor (ha ha).

I applied for jobs again today, this time in London. I'm hoping to work while studying. And, following the advice of someone, I'm even going to apply to a few places I'd never even bothered to think of before, because I doubt someone like me could ever work at somewhere as cool as that.

Mr Someone disagrees with my thinking, but I remain unconvinced. All I'm saying is "hmmmm" - an unconvinced agreement.

In other news, my parents seem to be getting along really well recently. Joking with each other playfully instead of rowing. It's because they're going to Barcelona this weekend for their anniversary and it's the first time they've been away together in ages. You can tell they're excited. And it's nice to see that for once. Though it does mean my sister and I are going to have to run the business ourselves for a few days....gulp!

Oh and talking of my sister, she's going to Hong Kong on business from the 11th of September till the 22nd. Not only does this mean she'll miss my birthday, but also she'll be flying, on a plane, half way around the world, on 9/11! She took great delight in pointing out the date to me today. Silly cow.
At least she'll be back for my Birthday night out in London...though I still have to decide where that'll be...

Enough rambling for now...I'm going to go and do something to make myself feel better...

...why is it that when you feel down, you're compelled to listen to sad songs that only remind you of why you're upset.

Shall I listen to sad songs and cry and not feel any better? Or should I listen to punching beats and move forward?

noreply@blogger.com (Azuric) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 09:19:00 +0000

I have been playing this track on repeat, really loud through my stereo, it's such a chooooonee...

...love the lyrics, and the voice too.

And strange as how it's such a sad melancholy song, and even though the tune, and echoed voice reflects that, the beat is so punchy and aggressive with a phat B-line, almost strong, defiant.

T2 & Jodie - Heartbroken

Sitting here at home,
thinking 'bout you all alone,
wondering where our love went wrong,
got a confession to make...

'cos you made me happier,
now my life is blue and hurt,
'cos when you left you took my heart,
got a confession to make,

I'm heartbroken
with out your love,
heartbroken
yes I've had enough,
heartbroken,
I don't know what to say,
I've never felt this way...

Chooneage!